"Sorry about this, whale. We have to blow your head up."

There are some days where you look around and you can't really find any reason to put any more faith into the human race until BOOM! You run across something that puts some of your faith eggs back into the basket. Today, I had the pleasure of running across a heart warming story of a brave little whale whom we shall name Louisa for the purpose of personalizing the story.
A couple years ago, Louisa, our protagonist, was swimming in her ocean off the coast of South Africa... she was so caught up in the beautiful sun and the coolness of the water that she really didrent was moving until she realized she was indeed in a very shallow area. Now for a while now Louisa has been struggling with body image issues, she has always thought that 30 tons was a bit much, her parents always told her that the male whales prefer junk in the trunk - but some days she felt like she could stand to lose some blubber. But she was only 3 yean't pay attention to the way the currs old, she had time. Except right now that 30 tons was really a thorn in her side because it's quite difficult to get your ass back out to sea with fins and a tail and a fat ass... Louisa decided not to panic, the tide would be rushing back in and she would just sit here in the warmer water and think about whale things until that should come - besides, there's no way she could go in shallower.. Well it turns out ole' Louisa was wrong! When a huge cruise ship came by, the subsequent waves washed her blubbery body some 50 feet towards the beach... in range of some annoying children who were swimming nearby. Maybe now Louisa should panic.. she tried to keep her head and use her fins in conjunction with her tail to ease out at 60 degree angle in order to get her head facing towards the ocean. But for some reason she couldn't concentrate with the enormous crowd that was starting to form on the beach, all of the pointing was incredibly distracting that Louisa suddenly felt quite naked and vulnerable. As any whale is bound to do, Louisa started to freak the fuck out and madly tried to swim towards freedom. With an hour of trying Louisa pretty much gave up and humans started to surround her. Once and a while she opened her mouth and some humans would shove some nasty fish in there... without any condiments. She was being bathed by water bottles which was really absolutely ridiculous because she's 49 feet long. Well these humans started to tie her up and pull her in random directions, pretty much sinking her further in the sand. She heard people yelling in her ear and screaming at each other... she never felt fatter. Well it started to get dark out and she was wondering how pissed her mom was going to be when she realized she wasn't back for dinner when a human started putting something on her head right next to her blow hole. She could feel it was really heavy and really ridiculously uncomfortable, and as she was thinking about how frustrated she was and how much she liked the night sky... her head blew up.


<--- Putting a bomb on Louisas' head. Below: Louisas' blown up head. True Story.